Stupid Questionnaires

Do those stupid questionnaires you keep getting on Facebook or MySpace piss you off at all? Well they do me. A recent one I had had all manner of ridiculous questions for me to answer so I did the best thing possible, I took the piss with my answers. Here, take a look:-

1 .PICK OUT A SCAR YOU HAVE, AND EXPLAIN HOW YOU GOT IT?
Hmm, I have lots but.... Big bike smash, ouch, blood, leg hanging off, 3 months in hospital.... Say no more.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
Ice cream
.
3. WHAT DOES YOUR PHONE LOOK LIKE?
It doesn't have any eyes so it can't look at all.

4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
All kinds.

5. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT DESKTOP PICTURE?
Blood n guts everywhere, viscera, bones, extreme dismemberment... Umm, only joking.

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
A bucket of coffee

7. WHAT TIME WERE YOU BORN?
The 60's... bout 8.30am I think.

8. ARE YOUR PARENTS STILL TOGETHER?
No, of course not.

9. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
Fi n Kate.

10. DO YOU GET SCARED OF THE DARK?
Not at all... what hides in the dark however, now that's another matter.

11. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY.
Adolf Hitler.

12. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Dark brown, green eyes.

13. DO YOU LIKE PAINKILLERS?
What sort of a stupid question is this? When I'm in pain, sure I do...

14. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?
What's the fuckin difference?

15. FAVE PIZZA TOPPING?
Don't eat Pizza.

16 IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
A chocolate bar, hmm, maybe that is saying something to me...

17. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
I have no idea.

18. DO YOU SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE?
Some Russian, some Spanish, some German. A little Klingon...

19. WHAT WAS THE LAST GIFT SOMEONE GAVE YOU?
A book about punk rock...

20 DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE?
I like a lot of people.

21.ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?!
This is a confusing phrase, yes I am but I don't have more than one joint where only one should be.

22. FAVORITE FRIEND?
Don't have any, I have aquaintances...

23. WHAT'S YOUR DREAM CAR?
Lamborghini Countach.

24. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
Love is unpredictable and strikes unawares, I wouldn't be able to help it would I?

25. SAY A NUMBER FROM 1-100:
"A number from 1-100"

26. BLONDE OR BRUNETTE?
Brunette

27. WHAT IS THE ONE PHONE NUMBER THAT SHOWS UP ON YOUR PHONE THE MOST?
5.

28. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?
Annoying people.

29. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE U.K.?
Tsk, I've been out of this world :-P

30. YOUR WEAKNESS?
My bike.

31. WHAT WAS THE LAST GIFT YOU GAVE?
Understanding.

32. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE HOLIDAY?
The lava lakes on Io, moon of Jupiter.

33. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
Yup.

34. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE THIS?
Checking my Facebook account, dumbass...

35. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
My bike, sad really uh....

36. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
Be illegal I guess.

37. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Another year.

38. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
I was the first born so no, think about it.

39. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
What, like film stars? Err, no....

40. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
This question has been asked before, stupid question.... it's legible and that's all that matters isn't it?

41. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE VEGETABLE?
Forrest Gump.

42. ANY BAD HABITS?
Probably.

43. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF?
Don't have any shelves.

44. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Probably not...

45. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?
I work for MI5, of course not...

46. DO LOOKS MATTER?
Depends on what sort of a look someone is giving me
.
47. HOW DO YOU RELEASE YOUR ANGER?
No comment.

48. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?
Your avin a fuckin larf ain't ya guvna.

49. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?
Until they fuck up.

50. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE TOY WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE?
A Captaiin Scarlet water pistol.

51. ARE YOU AFRAID OF GROWING UP?
Nope... Growing out, that's what really frightens me.

52. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
See past answers.

53. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS?
You mean like the pope? Err, no....

54. DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?
Mostly yes.

55. WHAT IS THE MOST PAIN YOU HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED?
When I twisted my balls as a kid. That's true by the way...

56. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
They won't come off if I don't... Another stupid question.

57. LAST THING YOU SPILLED?
The beans.

58. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?
A cat, a nutter.

59. FAVOURITE COLOUR?
Green.

60. WHAT'S THE LAST BOOK YOU READ?
In the process of reading Dark Mission right now... Thanks Jack. Assuming that you read these answers of course.

61. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
No! I'll answer them myself.

62. WHAT'S YOUR DREAM VACATION?
I hear Mars is rather interesting these days, and probably not red skied at all.

63. LAST THING YOU ATE/DRANK?
Coffee.

64. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Fiona

65. DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?
Oh yes....

66. FAVOURITE DRINK?
Horlicks. Christ I'm getting old.

67. FAVOURITE ZODIAC SIGN?
Mine, the twins.

68. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SPORT?
Any sport that doesn't need a ball.

69. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR?
Mousy brown with some grey bits... unfortunately.

70. EYE COLOUR?
Mine? Blue...

71. TALL OR SHORT?
Tall or short what?

72.SIBLINGS?
3.

73. FAVOURITE MONTH?
June

74. DO YOU LIKE SUSHI?
Nope, I'm a Vegetarian. I don't eat anything that once had eyes or an asshole.

75. LAST THING YOU WATCHED?
A watch.

76. FAVOURITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
If their not screwing the lid down over my face in the morning, their all good.

77. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
Probably so...

78, SUMMER OR WINTER?
Autumn... Why wasn't that included? You seasonist!

79. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
Relationships.

80. WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
How the fuck do I know?

81. WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
Anybody that hasn't received this stupid questionaire I guess.

82. IS ANYONE IN LOVE WITH YOU?
You need to ask them, not me.

83. BIGGEST FEAR(S)
That mankind might prevail and not become 'Civilized'

84. LOUD OR QUIET?
What?

85. FAVOURITE MOVIE?
Terminator 2.

86. IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU MET SOMEONE WHO HAS CHANGED YOUR LIFE?
Not that I'm aware of.

87. HAVE YOU EVER REJECTED SOMEONES CALL ON PURPOSE?
Hasn't everyone?

88. FACEBOOK OR MYSPACE?
Pants, the both of them...

89 MORNING OR NIGHT?
Where? Morning here is night in Australia.

90. DO YOU SPEND YOUR LIFE ON FACEBOOK?
I haven't lived my entire life yet.

91. DESCRIBE YOURSELF IN ONE WORD . . .
Yourself.

92. DREAM JOB?
Pilot

93. DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE AFTER-LIFE?
I'm still struggling with the Before-life bit...

94. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MARRIAGE?
It's a religious ceremony. If you aren't religious why bother.

95. HAVE YOU DONE SOMETHING YOU REGRETTED IN THE PAST YEAR?
Lot's. The last thing was probably filling out this questionaire.

96. IS THERE SOMEONE YOU WANT TO BE WITH RIGHT NOW?
I'm with them so... no.

97. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?
My ugly fuck off nose... and my ugly fuck off face, and, and.....

98 WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU WATCHED A MOVIE WITH?
Kate, my other half.

99 WHAT WAS IT?
Jumpers. The movie, not a sweater.

100 TAG 25 PEOPLE!
Oh fuck!!!